Progress [not perfection]

 

Welcome, my name is Melissa, and I am an alcoholic. My sobriety date is July 24, 2019. 

The purpose of this blog is to use memes to express and share my journey of sobriety with you. Whether you are struggling with an addiction or you know someone personally that is battling addiction, I hope that it will bring some comfort within your lives. 

After my five month on/off relapse, I checked myself into treatment for the second time. I was fed up with who I was. The drinking had rapidly progressed and I knew that things needed to change or I was going to become the person I was before I went to treatment the first time - and that was a very, very scary thought. 

Let me just give you an idea of who I was before I had my awakening. I was a full-blown alcoholic. I drank from the moment that I woke up, until the moment that I passed out - and then I would wake up and drink again. I could not hold a job (mostly because I was having seizures on the job, but also because I would come in drunk). I was taking classes and just dropping them mid-way through. I didn't have a driver's license. I had a boyfriend, at the time, that was just as big of a drinker as I was (I am not sure that he is an alcoholic). Literally the list goes on, and my heart just hurts for her. 💔

Okay, enough of the horror!! 

My day one, on round two of recovery I made myself a promise. I told myself that I was going to give this the fairest shot that I could. I was going to give it 110%. I was really going to try. I had attended church and was trying to get a relationship with my Higher Power, whom I was calling GUS (Guy upstairs). I really wasn't getting much of a connection though, which is pretty clear considering I relapsed. 

Anyways, I had the same counselor at the treatment facility that I went to both times, her name was Nora. She was tough. She kept asking questions. And I remember the first time that she heard me calling God "GUS" - she would not let it go. Which I am so grateful for. She brought out of me that I was afraid to admit I believed in God and Jesus - because of how I thought people would feel about it. This was when she drilled into me, that it's the God of MY UNDERSTANDING, not anyone else's. 

Once I let God in, though, that was when the magic started to happen. I was able to give all of my fears to him, so I had nothing to be afraid of anymore as I walked through this new life. This was all just the beginning. The first steps to something that is so much greater now. 

I have a full-time job, where I have been promoted twice, and been there for a little over two years. I moved from a 3/4 house to my own place a couple minutes away from my work. This was perfect for when I didn't have my license for a year and a half, as I could walk to work and back without an issue. Well, there was a lot of construction - but when there is a will, there is a way! I have a cat; his name is Brian. I am for the first time in my life, single, and really enjoying where this journey is taking me. I just got my license and leased a car all on my own a little over three months ago. I also just got my associates degree. My list goes on. 

All of these things transpired because I continued to do one small thing after the next. And they added up. It all started with believing. Believing in myself, believing in Jesus, believing in the power of the universe to guide me where I needed to go; completely fearless. 

If there is one thing that I always need to hear, because it is so easy to forget when things get hard is, "Keep Moving". One foot in front of the other. You will get to the top of that mountain, and you will learn many things along the way. May your blessings be bountiful. 

Until next time,

God Bless 🙏💓 

- Melissa Paige -